I know I’ve been gone for a long while, and I feel like I owe an explanation to all the followers and friends I use to have online. I’ve actually been planning on coming back for a few months now, but I have been saving money up until now so I held off .
I’ll start and say that when I said I would see everyone again in a little while in my last journal entry I meant it. As time progressed from my mother’s death, and the funeral and all the activity surrounding it ended, I was left all alone and I began to become sick. I was still expecting to return by the following autumn, but as time past and my state of mind was getting worse I came to believe that I never would. The year after my mother’s death I spent at least half of my week helping to care for my nearly hundred year old dying grandmother. My grandmother died in the summer of 2016, and since then I have been completely alone, only speaking with my doctor on a weekly basis. In the intervening years I have received a diagnoses on the Autism spectrum (Aspergers) as well as accepting that I have an intense case of gender dysphoria.
The reason I have come back is I would like to try and reconnect with my friends here, as well as contribute artwork again. I still don’t know how this will work out for me, or how well I will be able to manage my emotional states. What I do know is that I could never go back to the work load I took on myself when my mother was still alive . All I was doing for the years I was taking commissions was working on art, eating and sleeping. I have no intention of ever taking commissioned work again, although if everything works out I hope in the future I can take requests, a limited amount at a time. What i hope to post here for now is a comic book project (one of a few ideas I have had that I have chosen to work on because it had a lot of preliminary work already started) I have had in mind since before I originally posted the Deanna and Tracey series here. I started doing D&T because I didn’t feel I had the time to put into my own project and I feared the quality would have suffered (D&T pages were terribly rushed). Right now I am trying to reacquaint myself with photoshop and learn how to produce artwork again (I haven’t drawn a thing since I left here several years ago) at the same level of quality (at least) it was at before. I’ll start posting here again when I feel comfortable with the work I am able to produce.
Lastly, and most importantly, one of the biggest problems I have had is with the prospect of reimbursing my commissioners who did not receive the work that they had paid for. I spent most of the money in my bank account in the first month after my mother died out of necessity. Since then I have lived off a monthly allowance from a trustee appointed by my mother before her death. I am classified as disabled, and my inheritance is kept in a trust administered on my behalf. Up until recently I was made to believe that my trustee would not reimburse my commissioners, but a few months ago he agreed to do so, after I made known the importance to me in doing so.
Anyway, with all that said, I hope I can get back in touch with friends here, and that people will continue to enjoy what I hope to post in the future.
I have just spoken to my trustee and he has made it known to me that he will not be paying out any more reimbursements. I'm sorry if I made it seem like I would refund everyone, but after I brought the first batch of refunds to him last week he already seemed skittish. Now, after my second batch, he has refused to pay any more. Everyone who has contacted me privately so far will be repaid, but I will not be able to take any more refund requests after that. I'm terribly sorry, I hope everyone understands that I am not in control of my own money and don't have much of a choice (he is telling me I won't be able to eat in a year or two going at this rate). I admit I am a little angry, as he didn't make any of this hesitation known to me before, but I know I can't force his hand and that he is only thinking of what he believes to be my best interest. Apologies. If this upsets anyone greatly contact me privately and maybe we can work something out.